Do you ever wonder “Is that what I’m supposed to be doing with my life?” I don’t mean do you wonder if I’m doing what I should be, ’cause I’m doing enough of that on my own. What I mean is, do you wonder if you are doing what you should be.

Have I confused you yet?

I’ve been wondering, am I doing what I should be? I mean, I’m raising two wonderful children. I know, I know, child rearing is THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB IN THE UNIVERSE!(tm). At least, that’s what I tell my other SAHM friends. We are home, where the important stuff is happening, the next generation being formed, our husbands are just off earning $ to enable us to raise the FUTURE OF ALL HUMANITY!

Yeah.

I have a college degree, that I’m still paying for. I am (or at least used to be) an intelligent person. I have all this G-d given talent and ability, and I’m spending my days building block towers and serving up lunches and sweeping up cheerios and doing eleventy-nine loads of laundry a day.

Is this what I’m supposed to be doing? Shouldn’t I be saving the world? From what, I dunno. Pick a tragedy, there sure seem to be enough of them these days.

I feel adrift, and I guess what I’m asking is this: Am I alone?

Sunday: Smoked brisket and chicken, coleslaw, potato salad, corn on the cob

Monday: Mac n Cheese (I wasn’t feeling well)

Tuesday: Chicken tacos, salsa, guacamole, rice, beans

Wednesday: I’m supposed to go to SnB, but somehow I doubt I’ll be able to get a night off, so let’s plan a dinner this week! Salad with grilled salmon

Thursday: Indian curry with veggies, garbanzo beans, and shrimp over brown rice

Shabbat: Not my week to cook!  All I’m responsible for is the challah. 

Saturday: Leftovers!

Sunday: 4th of July Fiesta at our house!  Smoked brisket and chicken (now that we have good recipes), chips and dips, coleslaw, potato salad, bean salad, spinach dip with Hawaiian bread, lemonade, sun tea, hard lemonade, and whatever our guests bring too!

Or letting go of perfectionism.

My cousin has a travel delay, and poor guy, he is stuck here in one of the “flyover” states until tomorrow.  So, we chatted through Facebook (isn’t technology grand) and he’s going to come on down for dinner tonight.

Historically, this would send me into a tizzy.  My house isn’t spotless.  My 2 year old has scabs on her face from a run-in (fall-in?) with our concrete patio on Father’s day, and I wouldn’t have any idea what I was making for dinner for my family, much less for my cousin and my folks who also are really looking forward to seeing him.

Today, that’s not how things are going though!  My house isn’t spotless, but it is clean enough.  I need to sweep up some cheerios from morning snack, and put away the cheerios and raisins which are still on the counter in the kitchen, but that’s it cleanup wise.  My house doesn’t NEED to be spotless.  Clean enough is totally clean enough!

I know what I’m making for dinner thanks to FlyLady and ChiveTalker.  I just need to run out to the store, which was already on the agenda today, and pick up a little more stuff to fill the meal out.  Two fish fillets won’t feed 5 adults and 2 toddlers, no matter how much rice goes with the curry. 

So, basically, I’m not flipping out and running around like a chicken without a head.  I’m letting my children watch Dinosaur Train while they play.  I’m enjoying my coffee.  Heck, I’m writing a post on my blog.

You know what, letting go of perfectionism is a really good thing for my sanity!

Hey, when the kool-aid is this inspiring, I’ll drink right up!

1. I’m grateful for my husband. He works crazy hours, but is still willing to get up with the kids in the morning so I have a chance to catch a few more zzzz’s.

2. I’m grateful for my adorable children. Their minds work in incredible ways and I’m always surprised by what they come up with.

3. I’m grateful for my friends, without whom I totally would be in a loony bin

4. I’m grateful for my mom, who knows when to help make grandiose plans, and when to reign me back in before I go off the deep end and buy 47 yards of fabric or a dog.

5. I’m grateful that we have a roof over our heads, and food in the fridge. All my worries are pretty much silliness because we have the things we need.

I’m actually grateful for more than just this, but the kool-aid is to list 5, so 5 it is!

Monday: Sauteed chicken thighs in creamy leek sauce, brown rice, and collard greens

Tuesday: Whole wheat pasta, shrimp in garlic butter, sauteed bok choy

Wednesday: As always, the plan is SnB, the back-up plan is take out! I think I may also make a fruit cobbler

Thursday: Fish curry with pineapple, pea pods, and whatever is left in the crisper

Shabbat: Not my week to cook!    As the “Fiesta Shabbat” went over so well for my sister’s birthday, I think that plan is being revamped for this week with some minor alterations.  I love Mexican food, so no complaints here!

Why am I calling this my “Not So Much Knitting Blog” lately?  Probably because my knitting mojo is gone gone gone.  I’m so tired, all the time, and knitting just isn’t fun anymore.  I still love looking at patterns, fingering and even buying yarn, planning out projects, and sorting through the yarn stash.

I just am not loving the actual knitting.

It feels like just one more thing on my to-do list.

I’ve completed one lonely knitting project this year.  Yes, you read that right.  One.  I’m embarrassed.

Can I be a knitter if I’m not knitting?

I don’t know.

What I do know, is that dealing with two toddlers 24/7 has me worn out.  My wonderful husband has been pretty much absent lately, as work has been requiring 90+ hour weeks from him since Passover.  I don’t understand it, but apparently they can get away with it.  So, by the time I get the kids down at night, I pretty much collapse into a quivering puddle of exhaustion.

Knitting isn’t something that is interesting me.  I wish it would.  I miss the relaxation, the de-stressing, the feeling of accomplishment I used to get from knitting.

I trust that my mojo will return.  I just don’t know when.

My friend Knitterary says sometime after the kids start school.  I fear she may be right.

I’m uninspired this week for some reason, so we’re going with all the old standbys.

Monday: DH has requested lasagna, so lasagna he shall have, along with a garden fresh salad

Tuesday: BBQ chicken, basmati rice with raisins, garden salad again

Wednesday: Hopefully for the first time in 3 weeks, I’ll be able to get to SnB and have a night off!  Otherwise, we’ll have takeout sushi

Thursday: Breakfast for dinner. Hole-in-ones (sliced rye bread with fried eggs in the middle), fruit salad, hash browns

Shabbat: Challah, roast beast (we’ll see what’s on sale this week), “creamed” spinach, pasta, and another veggie for those odd ducks who don’t like spinach.

These are crazy good, easy to make “carmelized” onions.  Less than 5 minutes of work, all day in a crock-pot, and you have the yummiest onions imaginable.  They are a great base for French Onion Soup, or Onion Dip, and fit well in any recipe where you want onion flavor without the sharpness of raw onions.  I usually have a container of these stashed away in the freezer somewhere.

Ingredients:

4-6 big onions

2 Tbl butter or shmaltz*

Instructions:

Slice the onions.  Dump them into your crock pot.  Put the butter or shmaltz on top.  Make sure your pot is plugged in, and set it to low.  Walk away.  Ignore it.  Really.  Eight to twelve hours later, the onions are all brown and wonderful, your house smells great, and you can use or freeze the onions as you wish.

*This recipe used to call for an entire stick of butter.  I’ve cut it down to make it healthier, and honestly don’t notice a difference.

I have two munchkin stories for you.

Story the first:

Yesterday, I took the kids to a shopping mall that had a wonderful indoor play area.  Due to the rain, it was packed, there were probably 50 kids crawling, climbing, and running around.  Through tunnels, over plastic animals, driving pretend cars, etc.

Fifteen month old Asher was happily crawling back and forth through a tunnel, when he was surprised by a little girl about his age crouching down at the other end of the tunnel and peering at him.  Being the bulldozer that he is, Asher barreled forwards, probably intending to plow right over this little girl.

Instead, she stopped him with a single hand, and kissed him!  Asher froze, unsure of how to react, and the girl kissed him again!

At this point, Asher started crawling backwards as fast as he could, and scurried back to me.  The girls mother and I both laughed.  It seems Asher has a girlfriend!  I wonder if he thought to get her telephone number . . .

Story the second:

We were in the car, on expressways for a long time yesterday.  Miriam, age 2.5, took it upon herself to point out every single “Yellow Bus” that she saw, and count them.  “One, Two, Three, Eight, Nine, Ten, Giggle, Two . . .”  She did a very good job, counting yellow buses for mile after mile.

There was a long pause, with nary a yellow bus to be seen, when suddenly she cried out at the top of her lungs “BABY BUS!!!”.  Just then, a bright yellow sports car zipped by.

I love how her mind works!

I fell off the wagon and missed 2 weeks of meal planning, but I’m picking right back up where I left off!  No whining here!

Sunday: Grilled steaks, salad fresh from the garden (letttuce and spinach from my garden, bought tomatoes), brown rice, tabhoulli

Monday: Whole wheat spaghetti with meatballs (actually leftovers)

Tuesday: Chicken curry with cauliflour, green beans, and whatever other veggies I have in the crisper, brown rice

Wednesday: Supposedly my night off, so either I’ll be at SnB or we’ll order in

Thursday: Brisket, mashed potatoes, garden salad (I’m going to modify the recipe slightly as I don’t use packaged onion soup mix, but you get the idea).

Shabbat: It’s my wonderful sister’s birthday this week and she asked for a Fiesta Party, so we’ll be making motzi over flour tortillas.  No need to bake challah this week!